Love and Relationships: Surviving A Breakup

Whether you've known for sometime, or have been surprised, unfortunately, you have parted ways with your significant other. Whether or not you did the breaking, or were broken up with, mending after a relationship is a process. Below are some tips to help you survive your recent "single-ness."

If you've been in a relationship for a significant amount of time, it is difficult to go from being part of a duo, to rolling solo. Think about it, you've spent a significant amount of your time with someone else, and not having to do that could feel exciting, and scary at the same time. There are going to be times when you will want to text them to see how they are doing, meet them after one of their classes, or maybe even "conveniently" see them on a lunch break. But when you act on these compulses, it can make you look unstable, and maybe even a little obsessed. Yes, the thoughts are normal, but acting on them can be detrimental to the healing process. There are going to be times when you wish you were back together, or even just wish to be in a relationship. But if you act on these emotions every time they comes up, it could end badly. So as best as you can, play it cool.

What better time than single life to enjoy your own space? Single life definitely has its perks, and one of them is that you get to be in your own space and "do your own thing." So have a girl's night out at the club, watch a football game with the guys, read your favorite book, take a cooking class, or just do things that you enjoy! You need space so that you can grow into a better "you," just like your recent ex needs space to be a better "them." When you give yourself space, you learn more about who you are. Maybe there is a book club that you've been interested in joining. Or maybe there's a project at work you would like to be a part of. Or maybe you want to sign up for a yoga class to get into better shape. Whatever you decide to do, enjoy it, and being in your own space.

There's nothing wrong with reflecting on your recent past relationship. After all, relationships are about learning about the things that you like, don't like, and how to improve your own relationship skills. But to spend SO MUCH TIME reflecting on your recent past could end up being more of a hinderance. A friend from college once told me, "It's okay to visit, just don't stay there." If you spend too much time reflecting on good memories, you may be inclined to make moves to get back together too quickly. And If you spend a lot of time reflecting on painful memories, such as heated argument, you may be more likely to exchange heated words with your ex partner. So try to keep "memory sessions" to a minimum. But if by accident you reflect for an extended period of time, try to distance yourself, in order to not do anything drastic.

I was in a relationship where we broke up and got back together frequently. Every time we got back together, I was hopeful that things would improve. But looking back on things now, I realized that not enough time had passed between each breakup to have any significant difference in our relationship. And this is something to be cautious about if you decide to get back together with your recent ex. If you break up with your ex, then get back together a week later, believe it or not, not much will have changed. And to do this repeatedly could make things worse. So please be cautious about getting back with your ex after a breakup. Sometimes, it does work out. But if you find yourself in a constant pattern of breaking up and getting back together, it may be time to cut things loose for good.

As the saying goes, "time heals all wounds." Don't expect to break up with someone, and then be over it in two days. These things take time. And depending on how long you were together, it could take a few months, maybe even a few years. And yes, this sounds like such a long time, but if you try to rush the process, you will only prolong it. With time away, you may realize that breaking up was the best decision. Or maybe after time goes by you'll realize how much you love and care for your ex, and end up getting back together. But whatever ends up happening between you and your ex, some time needs to pass so that both of you can rationalize the situation.

Breaking up with someone can be a difficult process that's full of emotions. But by giving each other space and time, you can make the best of the situation. Also, remember to avoid emotional outbursts. You may get back together later on, or you may not. But whatever ends up happening, make sure it's emotionally safe for you, and all involved.